Heartache

There is nothing you can do to avoid it. It is going to happen, comes with the territory; you know teenagers, high school all that. You cannot prepare them nor can you make it better when it happens. Seeing my daughter go through the break up of a boy, a very nice boy, 1+ years, is just killing me. She doesn't talk about it, she didn't tell her friends, she is acting normal which leads me to believe one thing. That she is holding everything tucked inside of her like a nice little folded piece of paper. Then one night I got a text from her. All it said was "I miss him." That is all she needed to say, I know she is heart broken, hurt, rejected. I feel that pain for her, in the deepest part of my chest. All I can do is be there to text her back. "I know, it will get better."

3 years later...

I was really busy for the last 3 years, honestly. :) My life has changed in so many ways both good and bad. I am so thankful for my friends (Karen, Kim, Lana, Melissa & Libby) who listen to my insanity incessantly. You guys are the best!

So here are a few updates:

Daughter just turned 15 and is freshman in high school. Yeah I know, just yesterday (uh hum) I was posting about laying in bed and reading to her, that hasn't happened in 5 years. Had I known my time was so short would I do anything different? No, I thoroughly enjoyed ignoring the dishes and laundry to spend that time with her. I treasure our nocturnal rituals and wish for them to come back, however futile that seems.

She is in love. Yes, she is gloriously in 15 year old love with her boyfriend of almost a year now. He is so kind, respectful and sweet to her, I hope it last. I am trying to be an optimist. It's fun to go through this new experience along her side, I hope they enjoy every second of "being in love", because that is so magical. No need to worry though, I have set rules and boundaries and so does his mother. We are united in our cause to keep them 15!

Son 10, I don't know where to begin with this character. He keeps us in stitches most of the time. Has learned to snow board which apparently is very cool. I think he likes a girl in his class because he talks about her sometimes, but if you asked him he would deny it and get mad at us for having just mentioned it.

Hubby, well he's just fine, getting older like myself. Wow, wth happened we used to be those kids?!!!

Life changing moment :
On March 27, 2010, my Dad unexpectedly passed away and my world shattered. I am not the same person I was on March 26, 2010. I never will be. I finally managing to process the information, that he is gone. It took a long time to get past the trauma of his death. I can think about him now with out crying. I try to honor him daily by saying or doing at least one nice thing for someone else. Still, there is a huge black void in my life that used to be him. I miss him, he was my go to person. You just have no idea until it is you. For all my friends who have had parents who have passed away (and there are many), I say to you I am so sorry, I truly understand your pain.

Perhaps just putting this all in writing will get me back to blogging, or therapy without a co-pay.

I have missed it.

Hello Again!

Mother now of boy "8" and girl "almost 13." I thought it would be horrible the "almost 13" but it is really not so bad. It's the 8 that may kill me.

Sleepless, 4:29 am

So many thoughts whirling in my head, things to be written down, and many chores to be done. Why did God give me a sudden burst of energy at 3 am? That is just not right!

Embarrassing Mom

I have now become the "embarrassing mom" to my daughter. She does not like it when I sing or dance in front of her friends and has asked me to refrain from doing it. I admit that I am sad, and feeling a little rejected. She used to like when I would sing and dance ... when she was five. I guess at 12 she does not think it is so cool anymore. I can't grab her butt and give it a pinch either, that is definitely not cool.

Oh, but she would like a red highlight "just one, pleassseeeee!" in her hair, now that would be cool!

Hey girl, your Mom is not ready for that kind of cool.

The Secret Lives of Our Children

I thought I knew everything about my kids and who they are, who they really are ... deep down in their souls. After the last few months I have to admit that maybe I don't know as much as I thought. Can a six year old boy be that complex? Can an eleven year old girl have a social life I know nothing about? Am I really so clueless to think they couldn't navigate the unchartered waters of a civilized society, outside of our own home, without me? Apparently so.

I saw my son (6) kiss and hug his friend (a girl) goodbye after her birthday party today. I was so surprised by it, it was so touching, his pure and sweet display of affection. When I asked him about it he became embarrassed, surprised that anyone had witnessed it. He didn't want to talk about it...now I feel that by asking him I may have tainted the innocence of that kiss.

My daughter, oh where do I begin? She has an entire network of friends and their job it is to keep us adults completely in dark about what they are really up to. Who likes who. What they know about stuff, important stuff like the birds and bees stuff! When I had "the conversation" with her, she looked at me as if I had 3 heads and acted completely grossed out. According to another Mom they have known for quite some time. She is quite an actress!

I now think they are more comfortable with who they are at 6 & 11, then who I am at 40(ish). They do not have the burden of past mistakes to hold them back, from taking a leap, or standing up for themselves. Trying out there social status among their peers, having fights with good friends and then figuring out how to work it out. Having first crushes. But they also don't have the experience I have to guide them along...nor do they seem to want it. This is the saddest part.

If I could have anything, I wish I could make them understand that I know how it feels, to be 6 or 11. I wish they would tell me what they tell their friends so I could help them make the right choices and not make mistakes they may hurt them or others. I want them to know I was one of them once...and I could keep a secret, I swear.

A Kindness "Do Over"

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.


I thought this was a really great piece of wisdom to repeat and I try very hard to maintain it as a personal mantra. It really gets at the heart of the matter doesn't it?

xo,
Sher